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The Parker Weekly

Mahany Goes into Mt. Dew Withdrawal

Gjimaya Pryor

April 2, 2017

Filed under Jokes

Note: this article was published in the 2017 Joke Issue. Upper school English teacher Mike Mahany made the tough decision to give up Mt. Dew for Lent. Mahany was introduced to the beverage through older friends when he was...

Seniors Shocked

Jason Lansing

April 2, 2017

Filed under Jokes

Note: this article was published in the 2017 Joke Issue. On March 23, Upper School Dean of Students Christian Bielizna and 16 other teachers sat at the Bulls game waiting for the seniors to arrive. It was 7:00 pm, and the game wa...

Frank Calls “Parker Weekly” Fake News

Sammy Kagan, Columnist

April 2, 2017

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Note: this article was published in the 2017 Joke Issue. Principal Daniel B. Frank had harsh words for the Parker community on Monday as he delivered an announcement at the conclusion of Morning Ex. “The awful ‘Parker ...

Talking During Fire Drill Leads to Real Fire

Gjimaya Pryor, Humor Editor

April 2, 2017

Filed under Jokes

Note: this article was published in the 2017 Joke Issue. At approximately 10:30 AM on Tuesday, a fire drill took a tragic turn when talking led to a real fire and student casualties. Two high school seniors, Katrina Holeceker and Dani...

Loch Ness Ban

Loch Ness Ban

April 2, 2017

Not Our Piece of The House

Molly Taylor, Staff Writer

April 2, 2017

Filed under Jokes

Note: this article was published in the 2017 Joke Issue. Parker’s walls are about to undergo major changes--over the summer, all of the student-painted tiles will be replaced by tiles created by a professional artist. The 80-year...

After Months of Deliberation, 8th Grade Proposal Passes

Oliver Marks, Staff Writer

April 2, 2017

Filed under Jokes

Note: this article was published in the 2017 Joke Issue. On March 10, defying all odds and shocking the student body, the eighth grade’s controversial proposal calling for the institution of a “buddy system” in the high sc...

The Lost Voices of Republicans at Parker

Maya Sanghvi and Grace Buono

April 2, 2017

Filed under Jokes

Note: this article was published in the 2017 Joke Issue. After four long years of secret U-Lunch meetings, Upper School History teacher Dan Greenstone revealed Tuesday that he is the faculty adviser of a club called Republican Af...

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